Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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