You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
