my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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