I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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