Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
