Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
