nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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