So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
