I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
