The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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