at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
