He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Couch. On fire.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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