i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
