I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I smell like Dick and happiness
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