Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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