I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We talked him into tasing himself.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
