What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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