At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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