You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
