what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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