I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
