also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
