I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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