didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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