So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
