i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
