im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
