girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
