When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
