I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
