she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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