I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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