i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
