Your tits are I can't wait for
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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