You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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