I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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