He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
