ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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