Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
