New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
