I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
