it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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