I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
