He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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