Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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