Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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