Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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