I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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