His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
