We're facebook friends in real life
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
