I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
