Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
