So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
