The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
