Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
