About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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