i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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