I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
