Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
