I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
