Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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