I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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