do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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