you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
