when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
