i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
