omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
do nipples grow back?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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