She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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