the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
