What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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